Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
