five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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