She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
