Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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