he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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