The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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