She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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