Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
