I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
