i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
