Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
