well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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