I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
