my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
