my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
