So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
