I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
