i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
