I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
