every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
