hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
