You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
