i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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