I cannot find my penis.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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