At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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