ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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