I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
