so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
there's paper in my vomit.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
