No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
