So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
