fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
