im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
