You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
