You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
