apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
