I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
i think i just lost a toe
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
