dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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