Well apparently he's into motor boating.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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