boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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