He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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