It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My legs feel like baby dolphins
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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