She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Pooping to opera.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
