Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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