He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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