I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
