I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
