So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just gift wrapped bread.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
