Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
