I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
How's work?
Spinning.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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