And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
