i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
