When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
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