what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
