I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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